It's been three weeks and my life has changed.

Every time I want to write something for my new entry here in my blog, I can't think of words that could best described the hurt, sadness, anger, frustrations, disappointments, joy and laughter I altogether felt for the past several days. Regression is always part of my options. The thing is, I can't afford any time to waste just for me to regress.

The relationship between my mother and I... I can't think of any way how to solve this to return things back to where they used to be. I don't know how to explain myself. I can't think of anything else to do to give way for a reconciliation.

After three weeks of no open communication, I terribly miss her.

There are a LOT of things my mother cannot understand about me. Yeah, and because of that I hurt her so much. I hurt her so much to the point that I am also hurting. I wanted to cry for more than once, but my eyes were always tired even to shed a tear. And besides, even if I did have a good cry, crying never solves anything.

I get the point of my mother, but what I cannot stand is that she pressed to me I am a selfish person. I just hope she could know of my efforts and experiments on how to be close to my family. On how I am struggling to keep the love for family that does not love me back. I can't help but to feel sorry for myself. It's really safe to say there are a LOT of misunderstanding.

If there's a time to regress, I would have that time just for me to think clearly and deeply.

Labels: life