“Insanity is when you do the same old actions, while expecting new results.”

- Bo Sanchez

This quotation was from Katch, via SMS. This one got me into thinking. It’s been a week now since I started doing Pilates and some aerobics, which I learned from my 1^st sem PE class. Reason: I want to shed off the weight I gained from the college freshmen year and be toned up before I reach 18. The whole weight gain sucks, and I want to do something about it since the beginning of summer vacation. But heck, I wasn’t doing anything to achieve my goal. Fortunately, mom sent us Pilates DVD that I could use. It was hard at the beginning, especially when you’re used to doing nothing but watching TV and surfing the net. After a week later, I find it super enjoying and rewarding at the same time. I become more active and energetic. I get to do things I am planning to do. Plus, exercising can be a good past time. But of course I’m also watching what I am eating at the same time. Maybe I’ll try to find time and money when the school starts to continue this new habit at a gym. Well, going to the gym is just another option. Maybe I’ll try to jog along Baywalk or at school grounds or Rizal Park…the list is endless.

The quotation gave me hope. Now that I am doing different activities, should I expect new results? ;D

Here are some of short inspirational stories that were sent via SMS.

"One night, a man was drunk and shot his wife,
then shot himself. This was all witnessed by their
only daughter. The government sent
the child to a religious orphanage to
help relieve the child of shock. The nun there
taught the child, and one day showed her a picture
of Jesus for the first time.
The nun was surprised to hear the child say,
"I know that man."
So she asked, "Who is he?"
The child answered, "He was the man holding me tight
the night my parents died."

(Sent by Rialph)

Touching, isn’t?

“One day, frogs arranged a wall climbing competition.
The wall was so high that spectators were shouting
that it’s impossible for a frog to reach the top.
One by one frogs began to fall due to exhaustion
and one by one they gave up except for one tiny frog.
This frog was very exhausted but kept climbing.
Spectators told him to give up but he didn’t.
The frog eventually reached the top.
They wanted to know how he did it and found out that
he was deaf.”

(Sent by Jennifer)

Lesson: Do not listen to dream stealers. Go for it!

Here’s a local one:

“Minsan nagtalotalo ang mga saging kung sino ang pinakamasarap.
Sabi ni latundan, small but sweet daw siya.
Sabi naman ni lacatan, big but sweeter siya.
Nalungkot si saba kasi hindi siya sweet, kailangan pa iluto atbp.
Kaya nag-walk out siya. Nakasalubong niya si brown sugar.
Ikwinento ni saba ang nangyari. Tumawa si brown sugar.
Sabi niya,
“It doesn’t matter how good you are.
What matter is how you make other special because of you.
You made me special.”

(Sent by Nicole)

Last but not the least, this is the most touching for me:

“ A swimmer went to practice.
The lights were all off. Only the moonlight was bright.
He climbed up to the highest diving board, turned his back to the pool and extended his arms out.
He noticed that his shadow formed a cross shape.
Instead of diving, he knelt down and cried out to GOD to come into his life. Suddenly,
someone walks in and turned the lights on.
He cried even more when he saw that the
pool had been drained for repairs.”

(Sent by Mariel)

I would like to thank those people who continue to forward inspiring quotes and short stories. The messages you keep on forwarding really complete my day, making it fuller and with meaning.

How I want to see him again. Though communication through text messaging never faded, seeing him again in person would make much difference, wouldn't? There's one thing stopping me...I don't know what it is exactly...maybe because of that stupid feeling I encountered...

I couldn't help it. At least send him a text message, I told myself. So I did.

I couldn't find the words that may fit what I want to say but still can hide my feeling at the moment. But then I thought, what's the need of hiding my feeling when that is all I want to tell him?

I want to tell him that I miss him terribly. I want to thank him for holding on to me. I want to tell him that I want him to be the 'ninong' of my first born. I want to tell him how I want for our friendship to be forever if that is possible. I want to tell him that I love him, as a friend, of course.

Finally, after series of erasures, I pressed the 'send' button. No more turning back. So what if he doesn't reply? At least I have said want I want and I can get my comfy sleep.

Fortunately he replied and that made me happy. I was happy because I know I still have my friend even though we're not seeing each other anymore. I was happy because no matter how many turning points my life will made, I know I still have him whom I can count on.

if only i am not so clueless.

results go like these:

> there are 6 persons who like me

>my lucky number is 2

>i'm in love with the eng guy...lawrence (gosh!)

>i care for EJ (of course, she's my best friend)

>the person who really knows me is my mom

>my lucky star is tintin

>the guy name i wrote in space 7 is the one i like but what between us can't work out

>best in me by blue is the song for lawrence

>love song for know one by john mayers is the song that tells the story between the guy in space 7

>when i talk to you by mandy moore is the song that tells what is in my mind

>ain't got you by alicia keys tells i think what i believe or feel or prioritizes

many of them are true, as in i was head-shot! results are silly but when i tried to think of them, hey, they are bit true. hahaha! what a laugh!

who's the stupid person did that questionnaire?

we celebrated mama's birthday, of course, without the celebrant herself. we bought cake (black forest from goldilock's) and ice cream (ube and rockyroad). we seemed to enjoy ourselves, thinking mama as we devoured on cake and ice cream. how i wish we could do that with her again.

i really miss her.

it really seems so amazing.

right now i'm beginning to start my part-time business/work: invitation designing and lay-outing. well, no payment for me right now, as i decided i should take this first jobs as an opportunity to be exposed. i figured that if i want to charge fees, i must first prove that i have the right to charge fees! this is my first step to be a millionnaire! (hahahaha!...what am i thinking??!)

talking about business, i think i should get a quality printer now. i need the printer for this part-time business as well as for my school paper works, especially on written reports. maybe i should advertise myself online (haha). but right now, i only rely on referrals. (crap...i should be working up on these things).

anyway...if you happen to read this blog...send me a message if you're in for a business deal with me..

i was happy that i passed, of course, but the thing is, i don't share the same excitement that other kids have. gosh, how i envy them.

i think this is a problem with over-achievers. they always meet the expectations they have on them, even though these expectations are pretty tough to meet. this kind of people do suffer to achieve what they are expected to achieved. the sad part is, this is oftentimes taken for granted, or not recognized, even by their own family.

i'm sad because i don't know of anyone i could share my joy and supposedly excitement. my family knows i could easily passed freshman year, my classmates would think i'm just over reacting or worst, mayabang if i reacted that i was so surprise. i just stayed cool...getting my self numb from the happiness i really feel.

this may seem a little bit nothing.

words of wisdom: being an over-achiever sometimes means nothing at all.

oh well.

sana hindi na lang sya nagsalita o binati ako.

sana naging suplado na lang sya di ba para hindi na nabago pagtingin ko sa kanya nang mga oras na yun.

tignan mo nga naman...matagal din kami hindi nagkita. walang balita sa isa't isa. kung may komunikasyon man, sandali lang ang oras na nakalaan. matagal ko sya hindi nakita para magulat ako (at kabahan?) nang nakita ko sya kanina sa simbahan at nakasabay sa jeep. gusto ko ang pananamit nya ngayon. gusto ko rin ang ayos ng kanyang buhok. hindi tulad dati na laging alinsunod sa patakaran ng eskwelahan ang haba at gupit ng buhok. sa aking paningin naging "cool" na sya ngayon. sa porma, sa tindig at lalo na sa buhok.

maaari ko na masabi sa sarili ko na may gusto na ako sa kanya sa sandaling iyon.

ngunit nagbago ang lahat nang binati nya ako sa nang makita ako. sya pa rin pala ang dati kong kilala. nakakatawa. ngunit naisip ko rin hindi sa tagal na naming hindi nakita, hindi na namin kilala ang isa't isa. hindi tulad dati na sobrang lapit talaga namin sa isa't isa. naaalala ko pa dati, sabay kami sa pagpasok at pag-uwi. hindi matapos tapos ang aming mga kwentuhan na kadalasan ay tungkol sa mga aralin. natatandaan ko pa nga lagi kami nag-aaway. laging may debate. pero hanggang salita lang naman. wala akong naaalala na nagkasaman talaga kami ng loob.

tatlong taon kami nagkasama. siya ang naging personal tutor ko. magaling naman talaga kasi sya. walang asignatura ang mahirap para sa kanya. at ginagawa nyang madali ang lahat para sa'kin. siya na rin ang tagasundo at hatid sa akin sa mga araw na walang pasok at walang service. siya ang lagi kong kasama sa library, sa canteen o sa paglalakad lakad tuwing uwian habang hinihintay ang pagdating ng service. totoong madami kaming pinagsamahan.

ang hindi ko talaga malilimutan ay siya ang unang naniwala na may kakayahan ako magsulat. at dahil sa kanya, nagawa ko ang isang sulatin na maituturing kong isa sa pinakamaganda kong ginawa.

bakit kasi kailangan pa sya mawala? akala ko magiging magkaibigan kami nang matagal. kahit papaano, ayoko mang aminin, namiss ko din naman sya. sa totoo nahirapan ako noong nawala na sya. wala na kasi akong personal tutor.

maibabalik pa ba ang dating samahan?

seeing them and being with them again make me feel something weirdo inside. there were people you are dying to see again but, of course there were the people you least expected to see. anyway, laughing with them again make me super happy today!

yeah, they may be forever hooked on calling me "B16". i wonder when will be the time Sapphire boys will consider me no longer one of them. annoying it may be, but, duh, i miss those days in highschool! there's nothing i would give up for me being "B16"!

i also miss the fun i had with the Sapphire girls. and yep, especially with the BERKS! (hahaha). anyway, past is past. i can only laugh whenever i would remember that "cold war".

seeing one of my classmate enters the adult stage, i couldn't help but to feel sad but at the same time happy. sad because we are no longer kids. we may become a person we still not know. i was happy because we are already here at this stage but nevertheless, we are still celebrating and having fun together.

guys, you just don't know how you make me happy today.

to ate rejz, happy 18th birthday.

the part in the story which i like most was when sharon and her friend talked about getting in love for the shortest possible time because they were already reaching 36. no boyfriends, no flings, no anything just a successful career and an empty big house. i was like smiling to myself while saying, "sana naman hindi mangyari sa'kin yan." but there's a possibility.

why? with mom wanting me not to have a boyfriend until i reach 35 years of age, how could it not be possible? yeah, it may sound totally absurd but honestly, mom is serious about it, more or less. seriously.

i understand she wasn't able to enjoy the life of singlehood because she married my pa early, right after her graduation i think. and now she's not with us, i know she's just afraid what if something happens to me. she's always reminding me of this, that, those...etc. it hurts sometimes because i'm really, really, really, reeaally dead serious about having no commitments...until i graduate from college. (i can't wait until my 35th year..what am i then? an old fart??!).

besides i have plenty of reasons to stay single and happy.

maybe i should think of someways to spend my summer worthwhile. if only the heat of the sun would lessen. (blame global warming!)

i've just watched the movie all my life again. (by aga muhlach & kristine hermosa). it never failed to make me cry for the second time. although i already know the story plot, i wonder why i shed my tears on that movie again. (hmmpf...)

thinking the movie over, i admit it's indeed heart-touching one...of how great a love can be...

i am thinking if i should get a job. well, there's nothing wrong with me working even on part-time. but my schedule especially on school days bothers me. especially now there would be more school works to meet. and there is that RLE/duty. i don't think i can managed my time well if i study and work at the same time. thinking of what happened in my freshman year is already overwhelming, then how about the years to come?

if i am thinking if i should work, the remedy to my problem in study-work conflict is that i would be an irregular student. that is, i would not take some subjects so my hours in work and study would be balanced. the problem with that is: my expected time of graduation would be delayed.

i don't think i can study and work at the same time because my course would not allow it. as far as how i foresee it, it is impossible for me to be a working-student if i am a student nurse. this is what i hate in nursing. time devotion is very important. if only nursing is as free as other courses.

honestly, i am thinking of getting a job also because of my younger sister. i am being unfair to her. i am studying in manila. in a well-known university, while she would be stuck here in laguna, mainly because of me. she was assigned to call up my aunt so that she could be her (my aunt's) scholar. i feel guilty every time she asks "bakit si ate hindi ginawa un?" (how come 'ate' didn't need to do it?) yeah, i enrolled in my first year without thinking about those things.

maybe i should take this easter triduum as my time to think, as well as work things out.

maybe i'm confuse. there's a part of me that don't like to see him again, but there's still that wanting inside. i want to see him again for me to say sorry...for the hang-ups, frustrations, false hopes i unconsciously or maybe consciously gave to him. it's not that i don't have any feeling towards him at all. true, i feel something for him, and i know what i feel is for us to be just friends...like we use to be. good friends and nothing more..or less.

if i could just make it up for him...there's that guilty feeling inside, of course. but if i would fall in love, i don't want it to be 'forced'. it is a shame of loving someone just because guilt or necessity because he/she loves you. i don't think it's good.

if only i could tell my self who to like. funny, i would always fall for somebody whom i hardly know his full name. i mean, i prefer to like somebody i know nothing about rather than those who i am sure of. sigh. why is it like this?

right now i do't have somebody to call 'mine'. but it's ok. i got my family and friends. i can get along with that, for now, tomorrow, or even forever...

really, i'm soooo happy. it's like i've won in the oscar's. even better than that. ha! if there's something i want to thank, it is JESUS, in the form of the BLACK NAZARENE in Quiapo. wow, just thinking about the sacrifices and effort i've made every monday afternoon to hear the mass in Quiapo. this is a miracle. really. honestly, i was not consistent in hearing the mass in Quiapo due to school works and schedule. nevertheless, He heard my pleas. i can't express my gratitude for Him. i can't thank Him enough. feels like i could sing and dance for Him!

before the 2nd sem starts, i was feeling down due to the 0.04 grade surplus that forbade me to be in the DL. i've set a goal to have an average of 1.69 by the end of 2nd sem. that's why this is a miracle. God gave me 1.61 average!

i'm not being boastful here. my point is, if you want to reach a goal, depending on your own self /capabilities is not enough. sometimes, when all is said and done, all you need is divine intervention.

TEN THINGS WHY I CHOOSE TO BE SINGLE:

1.) there's my mom. no plans of giving her a heart attack.

2.) i hate being checked upon, about whereabouts, what-abouts, whatever-abouts.

3.) i prefer to do things ON MY OWN.

4.) there's a lot more to study and to think about than thinking about that person.

5.) having a relationship is very time consuming. i need time to sleep, especially on school days.

6.) whenever i feel lonely, my good, smart and cute dogs are always on standby.

7.) having a lover's quarrel is bothersome. (just taking notes on the experiences of close friends.)

8.) i hate being submissive. (i'm the boss of myself!)

9.) there are a lot of cute guys to look after rather than sticking to one guy.

10.) boy friend's a lot better than boyfriend.

kadalasan ang pinakaunang tanong na tinatanong natin sa isang kaibigan o kakilala na matagal nang hindi nakita "KAMUSTA KA NA?"

isang simpleng tanong na ang kadalasang sagot "OK LANG". pero nararanasan mo rin ba na kapag tinatanong ka ng kamusta ka na, hindi mo alam kung ano isasagot at sa sobrang dami mong naiisip nag pinakamadaling isagot ay "Ok LANG" kahit sa totoo hindi naman talaga.

kung tutuusin naging pangkaraniwang tanong na lang ang "KAMUSTA KA NA?" sa daan, sa ym o sa text may magtatanong sa'yo na kung "KAMUSTA KA NA?" nakakatawang isipin na sa tuwing tinatanong ako nito hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot ko. wala. nagiging blanko isip ko. kamusta na nga ba ako? mey reflection period pa talagang kailangan.

tama. ang pinakamadaling sagot sa tanong na to "OK LANG". mas maikli pa nga minsan, "K LANG". bakit nga ba? kasi kung matagal na kayo hindi nagkita masasabi mo ba talaga kung ano na ang tunay na lagay mo? parang ang weirdo tignan kung sa tagal na hindi kayo nagkita umiyak ka na ng umiyak sa kausap mo kasi hindi ka OK talaga. isa pang dahilan kung bakit "OK LANG" ang magiging sagot: laging may kasunod na "BAKIT?" kung isasagot mo na masaya ka, itatanong kung bakit. kung isasagot mo na malungkot ka, may kasunod din na bakit. walang masama di ba? pero sa tingin mo ba handa ka sabihin ang dahilan kung bakit ka malungkot o masaya sa mismong sandaling iyon? isa pa, baka sa haba ng dahilan at kwento mo kakailanganin ng mahabang panahon. paano kung nakasalubong mo lang sya sa daan habang papatawid ka na ang taong nagtanong kung "KAMUSTA KA NA?"

parte na ng kultura ng mga pilipino ang magtanong ng "KAMUSTA KA NA?" kahit sa mabilisang pagkakasalubong lang sa kalsada. kahit sa kindergarten, isa sa pinakaunang english sentence na matututunan ng bata ay "HOW ARE YOU?" at ang isasagot dito ay automatic na "I'M FINE, THANK YOU". siguro medyo 'uzi' kasi talaga tayong mga pinoy. ok na tayo kapag sinagot na tayo ng "OK LANG" kahit mas kumplikado pa ang tunay na sagot ng kinakamusta.

ngayong nagkikitakita ulit kami ng mga classmates ko nung high school, lagi ako natitigilan kapag may nagtanong na ng "KAMUSTA KA NA?" mahirap makakuha ng matinong sagot mula sa akin kung ganito. kung gusto mo talaga ng matinong sagot sa tanong na to, madali lang un. umupo ka sa harap ko at makinig. saka mo malalaman kung kamusta na nga ba talaga ako.

So summer vacation once again.

So I'm into writing once again.

So what?

It's been a while since I let my creative juices come out of my mind.

Yeah, I promise to continue what I like doing best. It's been a while also that I have been keeping things to myself only. There's no one to listen or to mind about it, especially if you are with people who do not think beyond their perceived thinking capabilities (if there are any...harhar).

Humility aside, it was like a bomb waiting to be released inside whenever you have a good point on something but of course, because of the narrow minds of which you are talking and living with, there's no other choice but to dismantle that bomb and accept the reality that there's nothing you can do about them. Period.

Anyway, now that I have the opportunity (or time) to do and say what I want, I would certainly like to grab this one. I know there's no assurance that someone would care to read or at least look at this webpage, but honestly, I don't care. As long as I am doing what I want, I won't give a damn if anyone would know what I am thinking. However, to all those who would care enough to read, sincere gratitude from me.

To start off, let me talk about the upcoming, much-awaited, star-studded, the most dramatic, the most suspense, and the most hilarious event of the year: 2007 election.

Nah, I don't like to think about the candidates, either for senator or local official. Here's another view of election: the voters.

According to the survey (SWS I think), the majority of the voters today are from ages 18-24, the youth. Whoever they would choose to vote, would surely win. No kidding.

But here's the catch...the youth, which is the largest part of the voters, is the "silent majority".

How many youth today from ages 18-24 are not registered to vote? Survey said it is in millions, but I think I don't need to know the exact numbers to prove it right. My brother, 19, has not yet registered. Many of my classmates in college, already 18 or 19, have not yet registered. People in the boarding house I am in, only one have been registered to vote. Many others I know about that are legitimate to vote are not yet registered.

This may be an old fact but certainly, not all knows or even aware about this. Why? They choose not be part of it and to take part on it.

The blame?

Youth said it is because of the government. With all those intrigues, corruption, anomalies and everything, youth said they have lost their trust and respect to the government. Whoever you vote, whether it is righteous, the strong crocodile will always win. Change for the good is impossible. So why bother to vote?

But I say, youth themselves (or ourselves) are the one to blame. The right to think alone does not depend whether your country is run by corrupt people. You think that your single vote will not count, and it will make a big impact if you are not alone in this philosophy. The power to vote for the person who you think will be good is a right and a privilege; one must not let go of it.

One person I know literally mocked me about this one. Of course, I was close to bursting. But I thought that it is no use to argue or to persuade about something to a narrow-minded person. (Hope she would not get to read this one!)

Why the need to vote? As I said earlier, voting is a right. With that right, it comes hand in hand with responsibility. For me, being a Filipino, it is also a responsibility to vote. Maybe I'm too nationalistic here, but this is what I believed in. Let me set this clear: I won't persuade someone to believe in the same thing I believed in. It is there choice and power to be aware or to idiotize their selves.

In 5 months I will be 18. Too bad I can't register yet. Anyhow, when my time comes, I would willingly oblige to my responsibility. Good news: we have the power to choose who we want to govern us. But as Uncle Ben of Spiderman said, "Great power comes great responsibility."

To end this one, I would like to share what I had seen in some posters during the past elections. This one made me think even though I was too young back then.

"Walang karapatang magreklamo ang hindi bumoto".

Siguro may mga nilalang talaga na maswerte. Parang hindi sila apektado sa hirap ng buhay. Hindi talaga sila apektado. Yun na yun. Halimbawa na lang si Paris Hilton. Kahit anong gustuhin niya pwede niyang makuha. Ipinanganak na siya na mayaman, maganda, at sikat. Kahit aso may sariling alahas, damit at tulugan. S***! Maraming bata sa kalsada ang walang maayos na damit. Maraming pamilya ang walang tahanan. Milyon-milyon ang nagugutom sa buong mundo. Bakit naging ganito ang mga pangyayari. Kung ang mga katulad ni Paris Hilton ay makaisip na magbigay ng donasyon sa mga mahihirap na bansa, siguro kahit papaano mababawasan ang mga paghihirap ng mga tao. Nakakatawa talaga ang mundo.

May mga pagkakaibigan na bigla na lang umusbong. Umusbong na parang kabute. Sa una sobrang estranghero sa isa't isa. Walang pansinan, ni walang ngitian. Kahit siguro mamamatay ang isa sa inyo wala paring pakialamanan. (Huwag sana mangyari pero kung talagang mangyayari, masasabi lang siguro nung buhay, "Ay, iyon ba? Oo, kilala ko sya. Hindi ko lang maalala ang pangalan pero kilala ko un sa mukha.") Ganun pa rin ang takbo ng buhay mawala man ang isang taong kilala mo lang sa mukha.

Ngunit nakakatawa talaga ang buhay. O baka ang mundo ang nakakatawa. Biruin mo, maaaring ung tao na kilala mo lang sa mukha dati ay maging isang sobrang lapit na kaibigan mo na ngayon. Yung tipong hindi kumpleto araw mo kung hindi siya magfo-forward ng quote, o mag-text man lang. Yung tipo ng kaibigan na kapag nawala mahirap na ituloy pa ang buhay. Isang araw maitatanong mo na lang, "Paano ba tayo naging close?" Yung dating hindi mo pinapansin at mahirap pa na ngitian ay matalik na kaibigan mo na ngayon. Siguro nga nakatakda na magiging magkaibigan kayo. Tipong hindi pwedeng hindi mangyari. Hah. Mahiwaga talaga ang buhay.

Bakit pag nasa stage ka ng pagiging in love hindi mo naiisip ang mga bagay na pwedeng mangyari? Ang alam mo lang masaya ka at ayaw mo nang matapos mga sandali na magkasama kayo. Hindi mo maiisip na maaring kang masaktan sa ginagawa mo. Hindi mo mamamalayan na nahuhulog pa lalo ang loob mo sa tao na nagpapasaya sa'yo. At kahit ano pang tanggi at pigil ang gawin mo sa nararamdaman mo, sa huli masasaktan ka rin. Subukan mo pang maging matalino sa pag-ibig na pilit na umuusbong, asahan mo talunan rin ang labas mo.

Feel like I can hate myself.

I never thought of myself would actually enjoy where I am now. I didn't imagined that i would be interested to become a good nurse nevertheless become a doctor in the future years. I never really like this before. I never had a passion for it. Because in the past, my passion was far from analyzing chemicals, illnesses, and medicines. My passion lies on the power of my pen. Yes, my "then" passion is to be a writer.

Why "then" passion? It's hard for me to accept but nowadays it seems like that "power of my pen" starting to decline. I lost hold of it. Maybe not the pen which lose its power.It is I who began to lose the power to express eversince I made up my mind to let go of my "then" passion. and it feels bad actually.

I thought I could go on with my writing even if I chose a different course in school in line with it. I thought that if it is really my passion it will stick with me no matter what. Besides, everybody thinks it is also a talent. A talent is innate, isn't? Me taking other course will not affect my desire to express. Now I am all confused.

There was a time that I really gone in love with writing. Not to mention how have I liked those complimentaries, praises and approval of people basically around me. I cannot forget that time how the canteen lady recognized me and congratulated me for having a jod well done. That is, an article well written. Of course I was feeling flattered. I never expected even those people outside the academic personnel of the school would appreciate what I love to do. Please don't get me wrong.

Back in highschool, everyone expected that I would pursue that passion. Funny, because even I thought so. I really thought I would become a part of the written communication I longed to be in. But here I am, this i what I am now. Aiming to be a professional life saver. (nice substitute, right?)

I really did not want it at first. Who could have known I would learn to love this profession. Hah.

I hate myself.

How could I let the fire of my passion to be put out? Seems I could write nor express myself as easily, as eagerly,and as beautifully as before. How I miss those days. I broke my promise to myself to continue what I have loved to do eversince I started to make childish poems.

Is it really true one can fall out of love when it a relationship is not supported with good communication? This is how I feel. It's like ending my relationship with what I love.

Just recently, I met my classmate in highschool who was also my EIC back in campus paper days. I felt a twinge of envy. I thought that if I had pushed through with what I want, I would have been gone to the university I like since childhood, taking up the course I had planned to take, and probably in the same class of that EIC. I guess that feeling was the opportunity cost that we had discussed in Economics class. There may be that feeling, but I tell you, I tried hard not to feel any regrets. No regrets because I love what I am in, I love what I am studying, I love where I am studying and most of all, I love what I will become in the next years to come.

Hate would lead to nowhwere. What if I reunite with the one which I love first? Yes, it may take a little time and effort to make it work, for me to be able to express again as artfully as before. Anyway, I know it will still be very rewarding. Afterall, one can love not only one.