Just recently, I have been watching all sorts of movies, from Asian to French, from gore to comedy. What a nice way to spend my last summer vacation! Anyway, I have been enjoying this habit.

I just finish watching 27 Dresses by Dr. Izzie of Grey's Anatomy. The movie's tagline is somewhat ancient, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride". But after watching the movie, I found myself looking up to sites with connection to weddings. Dresses, shoes, cakes, invitations, etc. Ha! What a laugh. Suddenly I fantasized what my wedding would be like? How would I want my wedding? But the real question is, what would my groom be like, if ever I would have one?

Last night I watched Penelope, whose leading actress was the girl in Casper. It's a modern day fairytale, which of course, ended in "happily ever after". Geez. It may sound crazy but I had the kissing scene of the leading couple replayed many times. Maybe I liked the way the lead actor looked. But the real reason was: I was thinking when and whom shall I give my first kiss.

I can't tell how many times I wished that I have someone beside me, holding my hand, and giving me hugs whenever I want. For sure, I've never been in a real relationship before. Yeah, there were countless crushes, flings and 'admirers' but never suitors. Humility aside, I could get a boyfriend anytime I want to but I can't. Why? I am afraid to hurt the person whom I respect and love most: my mom.

Sounds pathetic but I really don't like the idea of hurting my mom because of some boy issue. She has made so many sacrifices until now, and I think making my decision to stay single is one way that I could repay the sacrifices she had done.

That first kiss? It's simply a wishful thinking brought by me watching these romantic movies. Besides, guys are jerks no matter how nice they may appear, even if they are seminarians. Why should I want a jerk to be beside me? Right now, I need a dog more than I need a guy.

Mom said that I could get a guy at the age of 35. I'm an obedient kid but, hey, NO WAY! Once I settle things for me and the right guy came along, then I'll go get one. I don't want to be in a situation or in a time that I need to have a guy. I'll get a guy during time of "I want a guy". Hope you understand what I mean.